A Pebble for Lewis (Alaskan Pebble Gifters Book 1) Read online

  As time goes by, it becomes harder to believe he’ll ever invite me over. If the roles were reversed, I would have invited him straight away. But polar bear shifters are different. They don’t have the same rules about touching. He probably wants to spend time with an omega he could have sex with, or at least kiss.

  I don’t allow myself to imagine what either of those things would be like with Todd. Letting my fantasies get too out of control isn’t a good idea.

  It’s a Friday night, and I’m stuck at home prepping for an exam. Todd and I already played a little Fortnite, and he said he was off to meet up with some friends.

  Even my dad is out on a date with a human. He downloaded a dating app six months ago, and he’s been meeting guys for drinks ever since. Penguin shifters don’t date. But I guess my dad is full of exceptions.

  At eleven o’clock, my phone dings. It’s a text from Todd.

  I’m so drunk right now.

  I smile. Drunk Todd is my favorite. He tells me the most random things about his childhood, and last time he went on this tangent about his first kiss at a party playing a game called “Spin the Bottle.”

  Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment, but I liked hearing about it. Even if it forced me to imagine him kissing someone else.

  I get another text.

  I’m going to say something I’ll regret.

  What does that mean? Does he want to say something rude? Do I annoy him? Or is it something else? I hold a lot of things back from Todd, mostly about the feelings I shouldn’t have for him. It couldn’t be anything like that, could it?

  I sit there staring at my phone for a long time before texting him back.

  What do you want to say that you think you’ll regret?

  The reply is almost instant.

  I want to invite you over tomorrow night.

  It’s just a text, but it makes my heart stop. My fingers are clumsy as I type out a reply.

  Why would you regret saying that?

  Is he not sure if he wants to meet up with me? Is he worried I’ll be weird about it or turn into some kind of stalker? Or maybe he’s concerned what his neighbors will think. My phone dings again.

  You might say no.

  I can’t help but laugh. He thinks I might say no? Clearly, he doesn’t understand what our friendship means to me.

  I wouldn’t worry about that if I were you.

  Once I send the message, I’m not sure if it was the right thing to say. It almost sounds flirtatious. Maybe I should have been more forthright and simply told him I’d come over if he asked. Or maybe I should have just waited to see what he’d say next. Another message pops up.

  Will you come over to my place tomorrow night?

  I read the words over and over again. He didn’t say to play a game, but that’s what he means, isn’t it? He’s not asking me over to do something else. We’re friends. He’s asking me over to his house as a friend. He was only nervous I’d say no because I’m a penguin shifter. I get another message.

  So now you’re having second thoughts? I’m sorry. I don’t want things to be weird between us. I just wanted to see you.

  And another message.

  I’m making it more weird aren’t I? Fuck. When I say I want to see you, I mean play a game or two. As friends.

  Part of me is relieved, but another part of me is disappointed. I send a response before he misinterprets the delay again.

  That would be fun. What time?

  His next message is an address and the number eight with a question mark.

  Okay. I’ll see you at 8.

  My response seems so calm, when in reality my stomach is full of butterflies. What should I wear? Does it even matter? Why am I so nervous about meeting a friend for a few video games? I get another message from Todd.

  Great. I’m really looking forward to it. I probably shouldn’t say that. I’m making things weird again. I don’t know. We never hang out in real life, but I feel like you’re my best friend.

  I’m nineteen years old. I shouldn’t get all worked up about having a best friend. But I can’t help it.

  You’re my best friend too.

  Maybe he’ll think that’s weird when he’s sober. I don’t care. Saying it after a year of messaging back and forth feels good. I’ve spent so much time wondering what this is. Having a solid name for it feels right.

  I’m giving my phone to a buddy so I don’t say anything stupid.

  What else would he be tempted to say? I slide my phone into my pocket before I’m tempted to ask him that question. He’ll probably be sober by the time he has his phone again. Like he said, we shouldn’t make it weird.

  For now, it doesn’t matter what he meant. I get to see him tomorrow. Instead of studying, I spend the rest of the night daydreaming about what tomorrow night will be like.

  4

  Todd

  I’m both relieved and mortified that I invited Lewis over while I was drunk. On one hand, I don’t know if I would have had the courage to do it sober, and I want to hang out with him. On the other, I can’t imagine what he thinks of me now.

  It’s a good thing I gave up my phone when I did.

  At exactly eight o’clock there’s a knock at my door. That shouldn’t surprise me. Punctuality is a part of being reliable, and penguin shifters are definitely that. But most polar bear shifters run about fifteen minutes late, so I’m not quite ready. I throw on a T-shirt and head for the front door. When I open it, Lewis stands on the other side. He’s taller now, and his shoulders seem wider. But that may be because of the huge white parka he’s wearing. He’s all bundled up in thick gloves and a knit hat. He looks like an adorable human-sized marshmallow.

  I realize I’ve been staring at him for an uncomfortably long time.

  “Uh, hi. Sorry. Come in.” I step aside and open the door wider.

  As he walks into my front room, his eyes stay on me. And not only my face. I watch him check out my shoulders, and then his eyes trail lower. It’s only for a moment, but it makes me want to do a whole list of things I know are off limits.

  “You can take off your coat if you like,” I say.

  He looks away from me. “Right. Sorry.” He pulls off his hat. His thick, brown hair is all tousled and staticky, like an awkward middle-schooler coming inside from recess. His gloves come off next. “I wasn’t sure how far away I’d have to park, and it’s cold.” His fingers tremble as he unzips his parka. Underneath, he’s wearing a loose blue t-shirt and jeans. He’s so different from the smooth polar bear shifter omegas who know exactly how to dress to get an alpha’s attention.

  We may be the same age, but in a lot of ways, I’m much older.

  “You can put all of that stuff on the coat rack.” I point to the rack that already has my coat hanging on the top peg.

  He nods and hangs everything up. I lead him into the front room where my Xbox controllers wait for us on the coffee table.

  He looks around the room. “This place is nice.”

  I sit down on the hand-me-down couch a buddy gave me when I moved in. “Thanks. Should we play?”

  He sits uncertainly on the edge of the couch. When we play online, there’s none of this awkwardness. But when we play online, I don’t get to see his big brown eyes staring back at me. Or the way his T-shirt hangs on his slender frame.

  “Uh, what do you want to play?” he asks.

  “How about Fortnite?”

  He nods. “All right.”

  I grab a controller and start up the game. This part feels familiar. Lewis and I do this all of the time. But instead of seeing his comments along the bottom of the screen, Lewis is silent next to me. He’s still sitting at the edge of his seat too. Clearly, he’s nervous or scared. I wish I could reassure him in some way. Saying something like “I promise I won’t touch you” would be odd, and telling him I’m not attracted to him would be a lie. So I try something else.

  There’s a throw pillow at the edge of the couch. I pull it out from underneath me and place
it between us. I hope he understands what it means. He glances at the pillow, then up at me. At first he seems even more nervous, and I worry I’ve made it worse. But eventually he sits back and relaxes against the couch.

  It’s almost an hour before he speaks, and even longer still before he laughs. His laughter is worth the wait. It’s almost a giggle, and I can’t help but laugh with him. We look at each other with smiles on our faces, and in that moment, Lewis feels real to me in a way he never has before.

  Up until today Lewis has been my calm, happy place—the person I game with every night, the person I want to text. He’s so damn reliable that sometimes he feels too good to be true. He never blows me off for the guy he’s dating that week or forgets about me because he has a new hobby. Polar bear shifters are notoriously flighty and unpredictable. Lewis is steady. I don’t want to lose that.

  At eleven I pause the game and ask him if he wants to head home. I know he likes to go to bed early.

  He shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know. Are you tired?”

  He knows I don’t go to bed until well after midnight, so I cock one eyebrow. His cheeks turn a bright shade of pink. “Sorry. Of course you’re not. I can go. I didn’t mean to overstay my welcome.”

  I press resume. “You can stay as long as you like.” And I mean it. I don’t know if I’ll ever get enough of Lewis.

  We play two more games before he falls asleep on my couch.

  I should wake up him up and tell him to go home. That’s what a casual buddy would do. But he looks so relaxed and pretty sleeping there on my couch, so I go to my bedroom and get a blanket instead. When I cover him with it, he lets out a little sigh.

  Friends don’t watch friends sleep for over an hour. I know that. For a long time now I’ve sensed my feelings for Lewis are a lot more complicated than friendship.

  I watch him anyway.

  I don’t know what this is between us. All I know is this: someday Lewis is going to break my heart.

  5

  Lewis

  Two years later…

  It’s a Saturday night. My shift at the store is done, and I’m off to spend the rest of the weekend at Todd’s place. We’re going to play retro games all night while eating pizza and drinking so much beer I’ll have to sleep on his couch.

  Do I have ulterior motives for sleeping on his couch? Maybe. On Sunday mornings when he wakes up all bleary-eyed, he often forgets to put on a shirt. And when he makes coffee for both of us, it’s easy to pretend that I spent the night in his bed instead of on the couch. Sometimes, when he hands the cup of coffee to me, our fingers brush.

  Sometimes. Todd is very careful to never touch me.

  That’s probably for the best. I may be secretly in love with Todd, but nothing can happen between us. I know that.

  Bringing the pizza is my job, so I swing by Moose’s Tooth Pub to pick one up before heading to Todd’s. Once I get to his apartment building, I park in the underground lot and hook up the oil pan heater under my car. Anchorage is cold enough in December that the engine will freeze overnight otherwise. After everything is attached, I trudge up the two flights of stairs with the pizza in my hands. My knock on the door is a little muffled from my gloves, but he’ll still answer. He’s expecting me.

  Or I hope he’s expecting me. I haven’t heard from him all day.

  No one comes to the door. I text him. There’s still no answer. I ring the doorbell and take off my glove to knock. Maybe he forgot we had plans and went out with his friends. He’s never done that before, but he’s been a little overwhelmed ever since he took over his alpha mother’s jewelry shop.

  Suddenly, the door opens. A slim, white-haired omega stands at the entrance wearing one of Todd’s T-shirts. It hangs almost to his knees.

  He looks me up and down. “Well, hello. You must be Lewis.”

  “Ansel, wait!” Todd’s voice calls out behind him. He comes to the door with nothing but a towel hanging around his waist.

  The omega places a hand on Todd’s chest. “What is it, baby?”

  My stomach sinks. This is one of Todd’s lovers. I knew he was probably having sex with someone. Polar bear shifters do that. But seeing someone else’s hand on Todd’s chest when I so desperately wish it were my own is too much for me to handle.

  “I can see that you’re busy. I should go.” I turn around.

  I feel a tug on my hand. Todd is touching me, and this isn’t some accidental brush while handing over a coffee mug. His fingers are grabbing mine intentionally.

  “Don’t go. This isn’t what it looks like.”

  What is he talking about? I think this is exactly what it looks like, and it’s none of my business. I don’t have any claim on him. But I still let his hand pull me back. His whole face is tense with fear, or maybe regret. I can’t tell.

  Ansel smiles. “I’ll head out and let you boys have your fun. Thanks for trying, honey.” He leans in to give Todd a peck on the cheek before sauntering through the house. He’s absolutely gorgeous. Asymmetrical haircut, flawless pale skin, legs for days. Todd and I stand there speechless, letting cold air into his house, until Ansel returns in tight leather pants and a jacket to match. He has a feather earring on one side and pointed boots. He doesn’t look like he just rolled out of bed. He looks like he was dressed by a fashion designer.

  Any delusions I’ve ever had about Todd wanting me evaporate. I’m nothing but a plain, boring virgin with mousy brown hair and no style. Last week I even forgot to take off my green apron before I came over.

  Ansel winks at me as he walks out the door. “Aren’t you lucky? That one’s knot is so big I could barely take it.”

  Todd knotted him? Does he go around knotting every omega in the city?

  Ansel walks down the stairs and down to the entrance of the parking garage.

  “He was in heat,” Todd says.

  Polar bear shifter omegas have a heat once a month. It only lasts a few hours, but it’s supposed to be intense.

  I step inside Todd’s apartment and set the pizza, now probably cold, on the counter. “It’s fine. You can sleep with whoever you want.”

  He runs a hand through his white hair. “Ansel stopped by out of the blue and asked me to knot him. He was already delirious from his heat. What was I supposed to do?”

  I walk over to the couch and pick up an Xbox controller. “Exactly what you did. You don’t need to explain anything to me.”

  Penguin shifter omegas don’t have a heat. But if I did, would Todd be willing to give me relief? Probably not. Ansel is breathtaking, and Todd only knotted him as a favor. There’s no way I’d ever catch his notice. We’ve been playing video games four or five times a week on this couch for two years now, and he’s never so much as sat close to me. And it makes sense. Todd is devastatingly handsome. What did I expect?

  Todd walks over to the couch. His towel slips a little on the way, and he has to catch it before it drops. “I couldn’t do it.”

  I turn on the Xbox, refusing to look at him. “Couldn’t do what?”

  He sighs. “I couldn’t knot him. I couldn’t even get it up. I’m in love with someone else.”

  I keep my eyes glued to the TV because I don’t know how to react. Todd’s in love with someone else? He didn’t say me, but if it was someone else, why would he be telling me this?

  “C’mon, Lewis. Say something.”

  I put the Xbox controller down and turn toward him. He’s standing in front of me, almost naked, with this horrible vulnerability in his eyes. I want him so much, that the possibility he might want me too is overwhelming. But what would that look like? Already, I lie to my dad about where I go at night, and neither of his moms know I exist.

  The penguin shifter community is small. If they find out I’ve been with a polar bear shifter, the alphas won’t want me anymore. Will I end up alone like my omega father? I want Todd, but he’d never stay with me. What price am I willing to pay to have him for a few weeks or a few months? And what will it feel like when it
’s over? Will I be as strong as my father when it’s time to move on?

  I take in a deep breath. “Are you sure he’s in love with you? There’s no point in holding out for a guy you can’t be with.”

  Todd’s eyes become glassy as he stares back at me. He doesn’t say anything, he just walks away. The door to his bedroom slams. I’ve made him angry. Maybe I should go.

  I’m about to stand up to leave when Todd storms back in with some clothes on and sits down next to me on the couch, grabbing the throw pillow he always puts between us and smashing it into place.

  “Let’s play.” He’s still not looking at me.

  If he really has feelings for me, am I being fair? It’s not his fault polar bear shifters don’t mate for life.

  What if we kept our relationship as secret as our friendship? My father doesn’t know I see Todd anyway. Why would a romantic relationship be any different?

  Once the thought comes into my head, I can’t get it to leave. Todd starts up Fortnite. I should focus on the game. But his chiseled chest covered in white hair keeps playing through my head, and his words repeat over and over.

  “I’m in love with someone else.”

  “C’mon, Lewis. Say something.”

  I take the pillow that Todd put between us and toss it to the ground. Then, with my eyes still fixed on the screen, I scoot closer to him. Just an inch. Just enough that he’ll get the hint. Or I hope he will. I don’t have any experience with flirting.

  Is that what I’m doing right now? Flirting with Todd?

  In the corner of my eye, I see him move next to me. I feel something push against the side of my knee. I glance down to see his knee touching mine. I swallow hard and look up at him. He’s staring at me unflinchingly.

  What do I do now? I’ve never touched an alpha before. Will he want me to have sex with him? What if I’m not ready?

  At this point both of us have been killed in our game of Fortnite, but Todd’s eyes stay locked on mine. “Should we try again?” He moves a little closer, until our shoulders and arms are pressed together as well. He’s warm and solid next to me.